It was a long drive home from Chicago, but it gave Abby plenty of time to think. Plenty of time to think about what waited for her at home – or what didn’t. They’d had a good Christmas, right?
* * *
She had arrived home on the 23rd, her husband’s birthday. He looked great- thinner and happy to see her. Her mom had watched the kids so they could have a night out. Abby had forgone her favorite place, Olive Garden, so he could eat wherever he wanted. He chose a rustic steakhouse with peanuts lining the floor from entrance to table.
They sat across from each other, strangers for the first thirty minutes and slowly eased into a flow she hadn’t known since their early days. They talked about work and the kids, laughed about the new things the baby had learned, and marveled together at how well their son was doing in school.
The drive home had been pleasant, though being together again in their bed had brought back an old awkwardness. They had lain together that night like teenagers, remembering what it was like to be together. The next day they bought presents for the kids and picked up her mother so she could spend the night with the family and be there Christmas morning.
On the 25th they awoke early to the sounds of Abby’s mom telling the kids to leave the stockings and presents alone until Mommy and Daddy woke up. They padded into the living room in bare feet in time to see the baby pull her stocking off the nail. All in all, it had been a perfect Christmas.
As the 26th dawned and the time to go back drew nearer, things had begun to take a tense tone. Abby and Mike bickered over little things and he reverted back to the internet.
* **
Was he avoiding the time when I would have to leave, like a defense mechanism?
The rain began to fall on her windshield, reminding her of the night she had left.
* * *
As she had backed out of the driveway, she saw her baby girl at the door, waving. It had occurred to her then that the baby knew nothing of what was going on. Abby stopped the car in the middle of the street a block away and shook. Turning around would make it all so much easier.
But she couldn’t, knowing that her family’s peace of mind was the reason she was going. In the long run it would be worth it. She couldn’t let Michael’s final words sway her from doing what she knew was right.
She started the car again and continued on her way, with determination and a little anger. Angry at Mike for giving her an ultimatum like that. For not supporting her. When his best friend had left his family so he could go to school for a year, Mike had supported him – even cheered him on and sent money when he needed it. Why couldn’t she get the same courtesy? Anger had fueled her that night and she arrived in Chicago with more determination than when she had set out. If he was there when she got home, then wonderful. If not, then good riddance to a man with double standards.
* * *
Or so that was how she’d felt. At first, phone calls home were terse and short. She talked to the kids more than to him and he had hung up on her when she told him she couldn’t make it home for Thanksgiving. Then Christmas came and she’d been able to be home with her family again.
Had she been blind during her time home? Was his joy manufactured for the kids’ benefit? Had the computer only been his way of ignoring her or his way of showing her he didn’t need her there?
Abby’s thoughts were running away with her. She opened the window, allowing the cool night air and rain to bathe her face. She lit a cigarette, chastising herself again for needing to quit, and let the nicotine calm her nerves.
She’d always hated smoking, but secretly loved the way it looked as she held the cigarette, smoking, between her long fingers. She even loved the way she looked as she took a drag with full, lip-glossed lips. She felt sexy and free.
Then she’d cough a few times, mutter and swear to herself, and the lovely vision would be gone and replaced by slightly yellowing teeth that she REALLY needed to fix and a dashboard in front of her, covered by a noxious dust.
Abby glanced at the clock – one hour left. She flicked out the cigarette and rolled up the window, returning to her thoughts.
Through the end of December and into January she called home often. Between the mounds of homework and preparing for finals, she had made sure to make time for her family. Being home had reminded her of how much she was missing and she wanted so desperately for it to all be over and be back home, kissing her babies and reuniting with Michael.
He had talked to her more and even apologized for the way he had acted when she was home. Things seemed to be getting better.
* * *
“Is that a woman’s voice?” She had asked in the course of their conversation.
He swallowed whatever he was drinking. “Yeah, that’s Jackie. She plays on our game server.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize I’d caught you in the middle of a game. Want me to call you back later?”
“No, that’s ok. I’m not playing. She and I were just chatting.”
“Oh.” Seconds went by as she went through her thoughts. “Do you guys talk often when you aren’t playing?”
“Sometimes, yeah. She’s like one of the guys.”
“Ok...”
“Something bothering you?”
“Can she hear us?”
“Well, yeah, she can hear me. I told her to hang on.”
“You did what? I’m calling long distance to talk to you. Couldn’t you just tell her bye?”
“What’s the matter with you? Why are you acting like that?”
“Like what?”
“Jealous.”
“Oh my God, did you say that where she could hear you?”
“I guess so…”
“Either you tell her you have to get off of there or I’m hanging up. I don’t need some other woman listening into my phone conversation with my husband. Or did you forget that part?”
He muttered something to her, telling her he’d talk to her later. For Abby, it only fueled the fire.
“I can’t believe you, Michael. After all we’ve been through and you are sitting at home talking to another woman, who you leave on the line to hear a personal conversation with your wife, so you can talk to her when the phone call is done.”
He broke in. “Hang on a minute. You ran off to Chicago, leaving me here with the kids and I’m just supposed to sit here and not talk to friends or have any kind of a social life?”
* * *
The call had only gotten nastier from there. Abby had been hurt and confused, not knowing what to think. Was he cheating on her? Was this Jackie person fulfilling something in his life that she hadn’t been?
It had ended when she hung up on him, crying and breathless. Two weeks had been left until the end of school. So that was it? It all ended with only 2 weeks left?
Two days later she had tried calling and only got the answering machine. Her son called her back later that day, telling her that daddy let him call. They were excited that she was coming home soon and he missed her a whole lot. Michael had refused to talk to her.
With only a week left she called home to tell them her arrival time, and had to leave it all on the answering machine. No one had called her back. The morning she had left, this morning, she called again and all she heard was her own rehearsed voice talking back to her saying she could leave a message.
Would they be there? Had Michael finally fulfilled his threat and she would be going home to nothing?
Finally she turned onto the street where she lived. It was late and streetlights lit the way. Her house was dark and there were no cars parked in the driveway. Panic flooded her and her palms began to sweat on the wheel. Abby parked the car and left her bags in the trunk. If there was no one here she would go to her mother’s.
As she opened the front door and turned on the light, she felt, rather than saw, the house’s emptiness. She went from room to room on the first floor, calling out the names of her family and only silence answered her. In her last moment of denial she descended the stairs to the basement and turned on the light at the bottom.
“Surprise!!” Abby jumped and half-landed on the stairs behind her. Michael rushed to her and took her by the hand, leading her into the midst of family and friends who were there waiting her return. From somewhere the baby was thrust into her arms, baby hands landed on her cheek and forced her to look into the blue eyes of her little girl.
“Hi Mommy.”
Then she began to cry. They were here…everyone. No one had left her and she was finally home.
* * *
An hour later, as the party seemed to die down and people began to leave, Michael led her out onto the back porch. “Abby, I know the last time we talked things seemed really bad. I was angry with you. But not in the way that you probably thought. Here, take this and then I can explain.” He extended his hand from inside his pocket and held out a box for her.
She took it from him carefully and opened the lid. Inside, there was a silver ring. Celtic knotwork was etched around the band with her favorite knot in the center. It was the ring she had always dreamed of. “Michael…how did you…”
“Jackie. She made this for you. See, after you left after Christmas I was looking through some of our stuff. I was angry…and hurt. I didn’t understand what you were doing and I thought I’d had enough. I came across the embroidery you had done, the wool on the 16th century hood. It had this knot on it and I remembered what it meant.”
“Love between two people who are separate, yet together,” she muttered, still looking at the ring.
“I know it doesn’t really have anything to do with all that’s happened but it made me think of so many other things. It reminded me of how we got together and all the little things that make you who you are, including your photography. Something just clicked inside of me. One night, while playing my game, Jackie mentioned that she makes jewelry. She said that she did metal work and I had a flashback of you telling me that you wanted some day to have a ring like this. From that point on she and I talked about you. I sent her the picture of your knot and the ring was born. I was angry…and I was going to tell you how wrong you were. I was going to tell you about the ring and about the party…but you hung up on me before I could. When Sam called you that night I was still angry. Then Sam got wind of everything that was happening and I was so afraid he’d tell you I wouldn’t let him answer the phone. I’m sorry, Abby.”
She blubbered for a moment, as everything made sense and she felt shame for how she had acted. “Michael, I’m sorry too. I never realized, until I pulled into the driveway tonight, that I may not be able to fix what the last six months has done to us. I had lost hope right before I flicked on that switch down here…and I just wanted to die. This…this is beautiful. I can’t say thank you enough...”
He wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried, muttering things in her ear about how much he loved her and everything was ok now, she was home.
She was home. She still had her family. She was now in a place where she could face the world and she knew that because of a difficult choice she’d made six months ago, she would not be facing that world alone.
